Wednesday, 12 July 2017

Shitty working title or the relevance of irrelevant things happening to you.

Shitty working title in progress but not going much further than this...

This is just a reminder of 2 odd things that happened laterly referring  - the Motherboy Incident and the USS Indianopolis.


I'm in a funk, I'm thinking i will watch some AD, -go for some tried and true comedy instead of attempting to go down the Netflix rabbit hole of potential 'funny' shows I have or haven't heard about. I'm thinking maybe I should watch Motherboy (my own mother/son issues perhaps?) I don't know. But later, in front of Netflix I change my mind. I randomly pick an episode of something called Lady Dyanmite, starring Maria Bamford, who played the sketchy addict in AD season 4. I notice that it was executive produced by Mitch Hurwitz, creator of AD. Good start, I think.

The episode is called I Love You. In it there is a scene in a record store and i'm not really listening to much to the dialogue, drifting off in my own self-loathing thoughts when I notice behind Maria's friend is a poster of MOTHERBOY!!  I'm like 'holy shit!'

I take it as a sign - I need to watch Motherboy. Perhaps there's some message in there I am meant to hear/take away. So I decide to immediately stop LD and switch to AD. Also somewhat of a surprise is that Motherboy is already queued up. Ok, maybe last time i was binge-watching AD (many months ago) I stopped at Motherboy and simply forgot that was the next one i was set to watch. Whatever.

I watch Motherboy, not having any epiphany to help me out of my current state. I go back, finish Lady Dynamite. Near the end, she has a breakdown (she's always on the edge of a breakdown it appears) and she starts yelling "I'M A MONSTER" which strikes me that is also what Buster screams in Motherboy.

I'm now worried that was supposed to be my epiphany; I'm a Monster. Or is it the sheer idiocy of the circumstances; Buster and Maria are nothing close to being monsters in the true sense but yet that is what they consider themselves. Is that also what I feel/think?

The USS Indianopolis Incident.

I'm at the beach with my client (care aide for someone with a mental disability who is under a 24/7 court-ordered supervision. We go to the beach. I tell him of my fear of fish nibbling my toes as I swim, which leads to my recollection of a US Navy ship which sunk in WW2 and all the crewmen who survived basically floated in shark-infested waters for a month or so before being rescued. I couldn't recall the name of the ship at the time, thinking it was the USS Missouri.

Next day, I'm again on Netflix and there is a Nicholas Cage movie staring at me; the USS Indianopolis. 'that's the boat' I think, 'what a coincidence i was just talking about that'. Cue to today where I am again sitting in front of Lady Dynamite, deciding to give it another go after the Motherboy thing.

At the end of this one, for reasons not related to the actual episode there is a character doing a voice over for a animation piece. The joke is it is a song a shark is singing, about how he only eats 'seamen'. In the ocean around him there are a bunch of sailors, looking panicked. The shark starts eating them. In the background there is a poorly drawn ship - the USS Indianopolis.

That is all.

Monday, 5 June 2017

Getting old with Weezer

First, I’ve never written a concert review before. In fact, I hardly have ever read them. The gist of them seems simple enough, so I’m going to try one.

One thing I think most published reviewers don’t talk about is the $ factor; after all, they don’t have to pay for the tickets. I once went to a Leslie Nielson play about Clarence Darrow. All I had to do was call up the ticket office, told them I was writing for a magazine and they left a free ticket at the pick up window for me. The show was great (to me) because the only other thing I was going to be able to do that night for free was go for a walk. So I think most reviews should begin with the reviewer stating how much (or if) they paid for the ticket.

My opinion (and I believe yours) of any show would change vastly if I paid nothing for it versus if I paid $100 for it. If I paid $500 for a ticket, I’d be expecting to get a ride home by one of the band members but that’s neither here nor there. So with that caveat, my beautiful wife bought us tickets for Weezer as a Valentine’s Day gift.  We had a rule about not buying presents on Valentine’s but she broke it and spent $77 and that’s another different topic altogether. To the show!

Monday, 27 March 2017

Shit HAPPENED - or fuckit, I'm doing a cleanse.

***This post deals with extremely graphic bodily functions. If you don't believe everyone poops, this article is not for you. That said...

Ow ow ow ow, I'm thinking as I'm sitting on the toilet, again. I destroyed my asshole . 

And all because I finally decided to do something about my chronic exhaustion, bad diet and dad belly; I mentally snapped and purchased a cleansing kit.

I remember, there was this time, nearly fifteen years ago when 'cleansing' was the 'in' thing to do. Maybe it still is but my life and social circle has changed from knowing who is starring in the next Tarantino movie to knowing who all the pups in the Paw Patrol are. 

I know all about 'cleansing'. There was this girlfriend of a drinking buddy who would constantly bring everyone else down because she'd be the only one not drinking and even if nobody asked she would find some opportunity (such as the waitress saying "would you like a drink?") to tell everyone she was on a cleanse. 

She said it as if it was something to be proud of. But not matter how many times she ‘cleansed’ she was still always a bit of a dick. We were all pretty happy when they finally broke up. 

Now, nearly twenty years and twenty pounds later, I've decided to get serious about my health. No matter what you might think now, I’m here to tell you your body changes after 40. I start to think of the bathroom consequences of many of the foods I am about to eat. God help my toilet and asshole if I start craving hot sauce again. Funnily enough, I just watched an episode of Teen Titans GO! that perfectly summed up my addiction to spicy food. 

Monday, 9 January 2017

Shit happens

December 15th, 2016

Today was officially the last day of a 10 year social services career. It ended quietly, perhaps fittingly the way it should have; just me and one client. The other one who is usually there had committed himself earlier in the week; hallucinating and hearing voices. He will return next week, a change in his meds and the side effects that go with it. I'm glad I'm not there for that. Instead me and the other guy spend my last shift going to the mall, grabbing some snacks and watching TV until shift change.

It was a good time, basically just baby-sitting a young-at-heart adult. He's a funny guy and our running joke was "I want my two dollars", a line from Better Off Dead I kept throwing at him because I bought him a coffee the night before and I knew full well he would not ever pay me back. I showed him this clip on youtube so he'd better understand why I kept saying that to him.

Now, nobody ever pays a care aide worker back, except in the occasional back-handed compliment like 'I could never do the job you do'. That's bullshit. Anybody can do the job I do, much like anyone can do the job you do, if they chose to want to do it. I don't kid myself, what I do isn't rocket science or political espionage. It was simply trying to make someone's life better for a few hours a day. Often, whose life you were trying to make better wasn't the person you thought it was. Every job I've been in I've been told never to lend money or buy something for a client, much less buy them something expecting it to paid back. But sometimes, the best thing I could do for them (and my own sense of self) was to reach into my own pocket and buy them a coffee or a burger. That is the only real words of wisdom I can say I learned after 10 years.

Saturday, 22 October 2016

On reaching 730,000 'viewers'

This is the opening sentence which is supposed to hook you and make you read on. It should be click-baity or something. Maybe have 'you won't believe what happens next' as the title.

So I'm going to throw a number at you and you won't believe what happens next.


That's how many times my articles on the Internet have been viewed.

At least. Don't know how many were robots or people but even if it was 50-50, that is a pretty impressive number.

My books/short stories have been downloaded by 600 plus people via smashwords or kindle for their ereaders or cell phones. Technology. However, I have to clear a couple thousand ebooks or old-fashioned paper books on Amazon before I'd see a royalty check but I'm not in it for the money, although that would be nice.

After this blog post is published, one of you lucky bastards will be my 40,000th reader to this blog alone.