Saturday 27 December 2014

7 More Not Real Famous Bands

7 More Not Real but kind of Famous bands...


I once wrote an article about some very famous bands that became very famous under false pretenses. The reaction was mostly positive and it became my most viewed piece on that website. A few readers left some comments on other famous bands/musicians that I missed in my original list.

So, with the minimal amount of research that kept me interested enough to avoid other responsibilities, I decided to go back and do this 2nd row group of famous non-bands. While there have been a lot of ‘fake’ bands created in the interest of selling records, promoting movies and tv shows (there ain’t no party like an S Club party), I decided only to focus on bands that well, honestly, are ones that had some success in selling records and most importantly were sold to it’s audiences under false pretenses, unlike something like S Club 7, which sadly was what it was.

That said, in my original list, I excluded some ‘copy-cat’ groups for not being ‘famous enough’. Josie and the Pussycats were a direct result of the success of the Archies and the attempt at reviving them in the 2001 movie may have been the pinnacle of Tara Reid’s career (until Sharknado) but I don’t feel it hit the acclaim needed to be considered ‘famous’.

I also excluded some fictional groups that I didn't feel crossed over into the famous enough category to be able to actually perform in public or had no success to speak of in album sales, like the Oneders from ‘That Thing You Do’ or Stillwater from ‘Almost Famous’. And although Wyld Stallyns is the greatest band to ever exist (in the future), they have yet to release that album that will change the world.

So without further adieu, here is part deux;

Saturday 20 December 2014

The Interview Blackmailing

I've had a change of heart from my last blog in the last 24 hours, the one where I finally pay attention to the Sony Hack. This was mainly because of a CBC Current episode this AM where the host kept referring to North Korea as the Hermit Kingdom, a term I never heard before but seemed to reek of that classic 'branding' of a potential enemy/scapegoat with no to little cultural knowledge of the country in question. The question was 'Could North Korea really have done this?'

There's also this timeline of the Hack as gathered by someone that isn't CNN or NBC.

Then I started thinking of the Hack. It has all the classic bits of a typical blackmail that Hollywood itself could have written (if it was in the habit of reading original screenplays). Let's look at it closely.

The hackers are called Guardians of Peace, which is a pretty 'Americanized' sounding name.
The victims are a conglomeration of nameless Multi-Millionaires that have millions and millions at their disposal. There's some public shaming, then a scapegoat is suggested and finally, the demands...

And what are the demands? What do the hackers 'publicly' want?

Friday 19 December 2014

On Recent Eventy things

The Interview gets Majorly Censored.


I don't really know what to label this on the WTF meter but at least it's kept us distracted from a few more important news items that should be of more relevance, such as that damning CIA torture report that (no surprise) the US of A was/is torturing 'enemies of the state' ever since 9/11 and that of those hours of misery and pain in the name of all that is Freedom pretty much amounted to nothing.

Then there is also the anniversary of the Sandy Hook Massacre, sponsored by the NRA. Remember how sad as fuck most of us were and then the NRA's response to Obama's somewhat sane plea to limit who can purchase automatic weapons? Fuck the NRA on that one.

But at least we can thank Seth Rogan and James Franco for helping us remember what Freedom and America is all about - movie critics. (click to continue reading)

Saturday 13 December 2014

draft 10 popculture awesome gifts for Dad (or me)

10 Practical and Inspired Gifts for Me

You say it’s your birthday or even better, Christmas.

Let’s face the selfish facts. Only you know what you truly want. Perhaps you are tired of getting another new ‘collectable action figure’ from a series you never cared for but someone thought you did because they guessed you were into The Avengers, because everyone else in the world is and they just went to the mall and found the most popular item on display and figured that was made for you.

But all you really want is something that rings of your unique personality, maybe something more than just a six pack of generic beer from your flatmates. And that special football jersey you got last year? The one of that team that you don’t care that much about? The one with the name of that player that now plays somewhere else? Let’s not talk about that.

Instead, why not just give them this list of some awesome gifts inspired by pop culture which are not actually useless? I’m not talking about all the cheap toys made in China, labelled ‘collector’s item’ and then marked up 1000%. I’m writing about those products that have broken the fifth wall of realism, props that were made real in a fictional universe then thanks to a ripple in space-time, became meta in this universe. Products that could be used in everyday life that non-fans might not glance twice at but those in the know will bow at your presence when you appear sporting one of these fine bits of retro pop culture history.

TL;DR; The Ultimate Guy Birthday or Christmas Wish List for gifts that are practical, somewhat subtle and unique. Nothing made of plastic or wasn't originally at first a prop on a movie/TV show before it was moved into mass productions because someone found out someone like you would buy it.

Thursday 11 December 2014

Re-branding Ogie...

So after another month of Nanowrimo and celebrating the upload of my 1st novel for the 2nd time to Amazon (obligatory promo post to follow soon) I've been reading up a little on how to be more pro-active in the self-marketing side of things so i can start preparing to be an isolated misunderstood genius once the masses discover me and find out Karmajuana is a thing, not just a plot device.

It's nearing time for me to let go of the safe cloak of anonymity that Ogie provides. As you can see I've started leaving a few clues around (like that big one to the right there). Now it's time to once again re-educate myself on blogging layouts and all that shit. Create an About Me page, more obvious links to the books, along with some complimentary reviews.

I will probably learn how to create pages so if you are interested in certain subjects that I write about, such as hockey or current events, you can just jump to that.

I'm guessing. I don't really know how that works yet.

I'd rather stick to the writing; I found my old journals and would love to mine those for any worthy gems that make me smile. But I guess as someone once said, it's best to look forward instead of back. I think that was Ricky Bobby...

My fan awaits...



Divide and Conquer - A venting of No Proportions...2 months later

(warning- this blog is not discussing hockey or fatherhood in any way, just a need to vent. If you prefer regular Ogie, perhaps ignore this one...)


"There's something wrong with the world today, I don't know what it is."
                                                    -Livin' On The Edge -Stephen Tyler/Aerosmith, 1993




First, that was over 20 fucking years ago and if Ogie ever invents a Time Machine, I'm going to head back to 1993, track down Stephen Tyler and re-introduce him to a certain Canadian band called BTO (or Bachman Turner Overdrive) who wrote the aptly named, 'You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet' which was also 20+ years (1974) before Livin' On the Edge, back in the time when Aerosmith was busy doing tons of heroin. I'd also tell Tyler to wear some fucking pants in this video and also in 20 years he will lose all credibility of anything he did in the past when he appears on American Idol looking like a creepy Lesbian cabaret singer.





I admit I don't know how to write a song, I'd make too much use of the nananananana's to have it ever go down in the history of 'literary song-writing' a la Leonard Cohen but still for a guy that sings 'Dude Looks Like A Lady, Tyler got it right. There's still something wrong with the world today.

But it's been wrong for a really, really long time. For those of you over 40, you are lucky enough to have been born in a time of social ignorance yet are hopefully old and wise enough now to see how you were socially manipulated into seeing not what is integrally right but what is socially important to agree is right and are teaching your kids it's okay to disagree with authority and in fact, in this day and age it should be expected. Authority isn't always right. It's a tool used by others who decide what is right and it's not for the common good. Occupy Wall Street is becoming a fading memory as other more important ideals and stories are deemed more vital for the public good as opposed to what OWS is about.

Friday 28 November 2014

9 iconic movie masks




Masks. Who doesn't love them? Besides the cops, I mean. And bank tellers. And security cameras. Ok, well basically, anybody involved in law enforcement or against the redistribution of wealth. But without masks, who are we? Just a bunch of drunken college and university students out for a good time and in need of some cool refreshments via water cannons or machete-wielding harbingers of doom that will tear out your liver in an attempt to quell an insatiable blood-lust?

Masks are iconic symbols of a world that demands accountability. They provide a sense of security and shelter for those that feel their needs might just be greater than the needs of the common good, despite what the common good believe. Plus, if you are seriously grotesque it gives people something to remember you by. Would you rather be remembered as ‘that guy with no face’ or ‘that guy with the mask’?  No question about it. Masks are cool, they define who we are or who we want to be and people can make a killing (literally and figuratively) wearing or selling them.

Here are 9 masks made famous through cinema.

Note: This list does not take into account the actual movie Mask, which was about a disfigured boy who had Cher as a mother, nor is it contain iconic super hero masks such as Batman’s and Spider-Man’s, due to their original popularity coming through comics and children playing dress-up.


Tuesday 25 November 2014

On this The Ferguson Trial Decision


so, i guess we are not supposed to 'shoot to kill'?

fuckin' busy tonight boys...


Because 'normal (bullshit sensationalism)' media will focus on the reactive actions that happened when a US Grand Jury made up of 9 whites and 3 blacks decided not to lay ANY charges against Officer Darren Wilson for the shooting death of 18 year old Michael Brown and the truthiness of the Internet I will help spread the word on the Southern US's messed up justice system.

While I don't condone the riots, this has racial politics all over it. I think anyone with an elementary understanding of race/the South and politics understands there was going to be either a large riot (if no charges) or a small one (like a celebratory, smaller riot). The decision to not release a verdict until night was also a calculated move which isn't looking so good now, is it Mr. District Attorney/Governor Of Miss and others all having an opinion in the matter?


I found this site which gives an account of the officer's version of events. It's very opinionated so I've edited out the journalists' comments and even avoided putting in my own. We don't have the other side's version of the story because... well, he's dead.

At about noon on August 9th, Wilson hears on the radio that there's a theft in progress at the Ferguson Market. The suspect is a black male in a black shirt.
Moments later, Wilson sees two young black men walking down the yellow stripe in the center of the street. He pulls over. "Hey guys, why don't you walk on the sidewalk?" They refuse. "We're almost at our destination," one of them replies. Wilson tries again. "But what's wrong with the sidewalk?" he asks.
opinion omitted
Brown's response to "what's wrong with the sidewalk?", as recorded by Wilson, is "fuck what you have to say." Remember, Wilson is a uniformed police officer, in a police car, and Brown is an 18-year-old kid who just committed a robbery. And when asked to use the sidewalk, Wilson says Brown replied, "Fuck what you have to say."
Wilson backs his car up and begins to open the door. "Hey, come here," he said to the kid who just cursed at him. He says Brown replied, "What the fuck you gonna do?" And then Brown, in Wilson's telling, slams the car door closed. Wilson tries to open the door again, tells Brown to get back, and then Brown leans into the vehicle and begins punching him.
opinion omitted
"I was doing the, just scrambling, trying to get his arms out of my face and him from grabbing me and everything else. He turned to his...if he's at my vehicle, he turned to his left and handed the first subject. He said, "here, take these." He was holding a pack of — several packs of cigarillos which was just, what was stolen from the Market Store was several packs of cigarillos. He said, "here, hold these" and when he did that I grabbed his right arm trying just to control something at that point. Um, as I was holding it, and he came around, he came around with his arm extended, fist made, and went like that straight at my face with his...a full swing from his left hand."
opinion omitted
Wilson next recounts his thought process as he reached for a weapon. He considered using his mace, but at such close range, the mace might get in his eyes, too. He doesn't carry a taser with a fireable cartridge, but even if he did, "it probably wouldn't have hit [Brown] anywhere". Wilson couldn't reach his baton or his flashlight. So he went for his gun.
Brown sees him go for the gun. And he replies: "You're too much of a fucking pussy to shoot me."
opinion omitted
And then Brown grabs Wilson's gun, twists it, and points it at Wilson's "pelvic area". Wilson regains control of the firearm and gets off a shot, shattering the glass. Brown backs up a half step and, realizing he's unharmed, dives back into the car to attack Wilson. Wilson fires again, and then Brown takes off running. 
Wilson exits the car to give chase. He yells at Brown to get down on the ground.
"When he stopped, he turned, looked at me, made like a grunting noise and had the most intense, aggressive face I've ever seen on a person. When he looked at me, he then did like the hop...you know, like people do to start running. And, he started running at me. During his first stride, he took his right hand put it under his shirt into his waistband. And I ordered him to stop and get on the ground again. He didn't. I fired multiple shots. After I fired the multiple shots, I paused a second, yelled at him to get on the ground again, he was still in the same state. Still charging, hand still in his waistband, hadn't slowed down."
opinion omitted
Either way, at that point, Wilson shoots again, and kills Brown.
And that is his version of events. Here are pictures of the officer and his injuries

But the emotional trauma...

Here's a picture of Michael Brown and his injuries and where he lay for four hours before being put in a black SUV, not an ambulance. 
he's just sleeping and spilled his cream soda slurpee

Friday 21 November 2014

On this Sexual Assault bullshit


Regarding Jian Ghomeshi and Bill Cosby's recent troubles for their dating history... sexual assault is very serious. I get that, when i hear sexual assault i think rape. I honestly don't think 'sexy, open-handed slap' as per Sean Connery but this media crucifixion both in Canada and the US is going overboard. It's not even 'she said/he said', it's all 'she said'. There's no physical evidence, only one-sided memories. Men can't give their sides of the story and that sucks. I haven't read that Jian or Bill forcefully penetrated anyone. I've heard they've given money or favours in return for sexual wants (as per the women) but i haven't heard any of these women say why they continued to see their alleged assaulter after the initial physical violence.

I know it's unpopular but it's also unjust. I don't know what the statute of limitations is on these matters but if you've waited a decade to report it, it either was A) so emotionally traumatizing you couldn't speak about it or B) not that big of a deal, in your overall mental state.


If you have a relationship with the alleged for years, took money from him for years doesn't make you a victim, it makes you a whore.

If you give the alleged a blowjob in return for a job interview, doesn't make you a victim, it makes you an opportunist who tried to short cut her way to success.

If you go out with the alleged AFTER you've been sexually assaulted, your accusations lose a lot of credibility.

If you are Janice Dickinson you are a media-hungry ex-drug addict that nobody should ever take seriously.

If you bought or read 50 Shades of Grey or can't wait to see the movie then you are part of the problem.

If you walk around with your tits hanging out, demanding to be taken seriously, you won't be.

That's all. We now return to our regular scheduled programming.

Monday 17 November 2014

From the History Files - The 2013 NHL intro for Brits

(ok, back in the day, being 2012-13 season, I wrote this and got it published somewhere online. I'm busy with the Nanowrimo thinger going on but in the meantime, enjoy this piece of history)



Looking to widen your sports knowledge to something outside of the local football league? Perhaps you are looking to butter up those Canadian tourists that wandered into your bar and will tend to tip way too much if someone mentions hockey around them. Whatever your reasons, welcome home.
Last year I started submitting some posts to WhatCulture about the NHL, voted by 3o million Canadians, 54 Swedes, and Danny Taylor of Plymouth, England as being THE #1 hockey league in the world. The NHL stands to begin it's 94th year of play (give or take) next month. And this year is no different as there is much excitement in the maple syrup-flavoured air, hockey-stank excitement. Nobody in Canada has been this excited about the NHL starting up since last season when it finally began after another epic Lock-Out, which will be discussed later.
In what went down as the greatest Stanley Cup Finals ever played since 2012, the Chicago Blackhawks stunned the Boston Bruins with 2 goals in the final 90 seconds in Game 6 to clinch hockey's greatest trophy. It was karmic retaliation of sorts, for the Bruins had earlier made the biggest comeback in history to defeat the Toronto Maple Leafs in Game 7 of a playoff series earlier which everybody outside of Toronto found hilarious. If none of that made any sense to you, welcome to...
WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW OF THE NHL AS A NON-FAN;
All you need to know is this; The NHL is crazy. There is nothing rational about it, either on the ice or off. It was the subject of the greatest sports movie ever made, and has some of the best haircuts ever. It once had two players that dominated the sport like no other athlete has ever dominated a sport yet they played at the same time. Imagine Maradona and Pele playing at the same time, and on occasion even on the same team to defeat the world's worst superpower and #2 hockey nation (no, not America, the other one).
This moment knocked the 1972 Summit Series off the #1 hockey moment
of all time - yes, it is of someone crying.
 
THE EASY STUFF;
The regular season starts in October, is 82 games long, and lasts for about six months.
Playoffs start in April and go for about three months. There is no 'one game take all' playoffs; this is all about maximizing owner revenue so the teams are forced to play four rounds of best-of-seven's, which in reality is quite brilliant. The first team to win four games over their opponent moves on to the next round and possibly gets a break while waiting for their opponents to inflict maximum pain on each other.
They play for a large trophy called the Stanley Cup, named after Lord Stanley. It is so rare, there are only 3 replicas of it in existence (the presentation one, the touring one, and the one at the Hockey Hall of Fame. The original is kept in a safe at the Hall of Fame as well and is no bigger than a large salad bowl, which was probably it's original intention).
Canadians start talking about hockey about 2 months before the regular season starts. This is called the 'pre-season' and in reality mean nothing unless you are a Toronto fan, then it defines the rest of your season, saving you all sorts of heartbreak later on.
This photo deserves to be a bit more viral.

Saturday 8 November 2014

Top 10 Stoner Movies (Part 1)



So when you read 'Stoner Movies' you may have been thinking; here we go, another easy to click-bait list of repetitive movies I've seen on other lists.
The lists I looked up when doing ... research... for this blog were the same; they all have some drug-related theme in them. Most likely a list of comedies that are easy to digest, buddy comedies such as Harold and Kumar, Jay and Silent Bob, Cheech and Chong, etc. Maybe someone will be brave enough to throw in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, just to say that they know not all 'stoner' movies have to be mainly about smoking weed and insulting one another.

Ogie doesn't play that way. I hated those stoner lists - most stoners I know of don't sit around discussing the finer intricacies of Harold and Kumar (or which was which) or want to watch actors pretending to be stoned when they are not. I enjoy them for what they are - comedies that have actors pretending to be stoners in them. If you know how movies are made and how pot actually works, it's pretty difficult to actually get shit done in a way that will make it easy for an editor to piece together a film. I wanted a list of movies to watch while baked. This is what I came up with.

Sunday 2 November 2014

12 Ways The Dark Knight Rises and the 2012 Canucks playoffs were eerily the same.

[republished due to its original immense popularity, Chris Nolan's Interstellar release and I find it really funny] 

12 Ways The Dark Knight Rises and the 2012 Canucks playoffs were eerily the same. 

I want the Batman!
For some, the summer of 2012 was to be the cause of great rejoice; The Dark Knight Rises was to cap the end of the amazing Batman trilogy, the Vancouver Canucks were going to win the Stanley Cup after losing in Game 7 to the Boston Bruins a year earlier. That experience would be enough to give them the drive to Win It All (spoiler alert; it didn't). Canucks fans also wanted Zdeno Chara to climb back up his beanstalk and leave all the other hockey players alone. None of that happened, leaving Canucks (and Boston) fans and hockey analysts alone to contemplate the pleasures in the smaller things in life, like drool and soft helmets.

(BIGGER SPOILER ALERT: The Canucks lost to the eventual Stanley Cup Champion LA Kings in the 1st round of the 2012 playoffs)


12 Similarities between The Dark Knight Rises and The 2012 Vancouver Canucks: 

1-For fans of both franchises, there were exceedingly high expectations going in from previous showings.

2-Ryan Kesler appeared in neither.

3-Batman took eight years off before returning for TDKR and the ending was left open for another possible return years from now. Vancouver decided to also take some years off and is preparing for their next Cup push sometime around the year 2020.

4-Both Batman and Mason Raymond took 5 months to recover from a broken back to limited effect.

hmmm... can you take off the bat and add the number 16?

5-Neither Batman or the Canucks showed any ability to dish out a hit.

6- Apparently both Gotham and Vancouver have professional football teams that nobody cares about.

7-Anne Hathaway’s eyebrows scored just as many points with film critics in Los Angeles as the Sedin twins.

8-Batman had a few thousand cops that did nothing to help the situation, the Canucks had these guys; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JBQ1rmIbTjw

9-Once Batman and the Canucks left the city, life went on and it was like nothing had ever happened.

10-If Darryl Sutter’s coaching style could be physically described, it would look like Bane. If Alain Vigneault’s coaching style could be physically described, it would look like Michael Caine’s quivering lips.

11-TDKR had a lot of supporting characters from previous movies that proved to have no discernible purpose for being there; the Canucks had Jim Hughson, Nick Kypreos and Gary Valk.

Uh, hello?
12-Bruce Wayne came out of self-imposed hiding to find his overall value had plummeted to barely being able to provide for himself, Vancouver had Roberto Luongo.

Sunday 26 October 2014

On Cross-Promoting and Self-Publication

So, I wrote a book. Many times. Over and over and over. I finally stopped and said 'I'm so tired of re-writing this.' It was called many things but I finally settled on this title;




Then I self-published on Amazon's CreateSpace (for traditionalists that still own bookcases and like hard copy books) and Smashwords (which allows for multiple format downloads instead of just Kindle).

That was about 4 months ago and it's slowly starting to get some good feedback.

Now for those that have never done research into self-publishing the general mantra is 'it is what you make it'. Not only are you self-publishing but you are also self-editing and self-promoting with a little help from your friends and family, of course.

So here Ogie is to lose his anonymity... I wrote Enter a Fistful of Marijuana and my name is now self-evident.

It's a social commentary comedy (the book, not my name). You might like it, you might not (again, the book). The Amazon version comes with footnotes - I wasn't able or patient enough to try and format the Smashwords version to accommodate them so for the added bang, you should go Amazon. However, right now I am offering the first 100 downloads by donation on Smashwords.

Here's some great reviews I have received without paying anyone to say them.

"This is hilarious. Smart, satirical and an easy, breezy read."

"It's a post modern trip through the war on drugs and all of the politics surrounding it. The author manages to show a great sense of humor, while examining some of the larger issues confronting our materialist society. The book manages to be social commentary without being boring social commentary-- something that more literary work should aspire to."

"There's a lot going for this book: loony characters, more marijuana than you knew existed, a Canadian wilderness setting and the self deprecating humor of my friends to the north, and some fun musings about what it would take to make a better world.

Jack Steele is ostensibly the lead in this farcical situation, a xenophobic and somewhat murderous secret agent whose assignment with the IRS involves a lot of snappy banter and people getting punched in the nuts. But there's a lot of others that you come to like: an IRS bureaucrat seeking to distinguish himself in the most hilarious way possible, a trio of stoners who get themselves in way over their heads, a Mormon who uses his high for inspiration, and an unlikely femme fatale. The POV's move around enough that you never beg for another character, though for me, Jack was the most fun to read.

There's some fun touches in here that will make you laugh out loud, and it moves at a pretty fast pace. This was the first time I saw footnotes used to develop asides for the story, and I clicked on every one of them. There are some pop culture references, but plenty of original humor. It has some of the rough edges that you get when reading self published fiction, but nothing that broke the book.

Overall, a great read for anyone seeking something fun, sometimes deranged, and lighthearted!"

So, go to here or here and give it a spin. Post reviews there or there or even here, where I will attempt to keep things more literary-minded. 

I can take it. 

We now return to my regular programming.




Saturday 25 October 2014

Retro 2005

Found this old email from 2005. Time to go all nostalgic on myself. This was before ex-wife, kids, losing jobs, court, moving, buying, more kids. Good times.

in lieu of a christmas letter, this is going to be it. 
 
Jay's favourite moments of 2005.

#1 picking up those business cards that said "Jay Royston - Pub Manager" on them.
#2  throwing away those business cards 2 months later.
#3  seeing the colours on the tree on "my" new front yard change colour in the autumn.
#4 Knowing that for a few short minutes, I was over $10 000 richer, until my bank's financial manager informed me that my loan was approved and was now $10 000+ deeper in debt.
#5 realizing that my parents believed enough in me that i could take care of 2 kids, 2 dogs and a renovated character house with a large enough paycheque.
#6 taking Dave's daughters (brooklyn, savannah, and maddy) skating before i left chilliwack.
#7 being cleared medically for another year.
#8 finally getting in touch with my inner redneck with a few really good, muddy days of mudboggin in my old jeep cherokee.
#9 having my 2 dogs, 1 borrowed (kubie), 1 donated (chompsky) spend a quiet afternoon walking on the frozen Fraser river.
#10 Golfing on a large clear fairway in kelowna with no pine trees in sight, courtesy of Ed.
 
Jay's current top 1o movies in no order.
 
#1  Muppets Wizard of Oz - just cuz I was fortunate enough to achieve a childhood goal and see these guys at work - and they paid me to watch them do it.
#2  Zoolander - I didn't say that they were movies released in 2005. It's just that most of the movies i saw this year weren't all that memorable.  I still want to see a live break-dance fight.
#3  Kentucky Fried Movie - the most influential movie EVER.  At one time, someone took a chance on making this type of movie and the only other notable one like it that i know of was Amazon Women on the Moon (same director, coincidentally).  It's still the reason why i wanted to get into film.
#4 Hedwig and the Angry Inch - okay, if you're not into the idea of watching a musical about an east german kid who gets most of his penis cut off so that he can come to america with his army boyfriend who subsequently dumps him in kansas, where he goes on to become a transgender rockstar on the restaurant circuit, you probably won't be interested in this. 
#5  I Heart Huckabee's  - clever, philosophical, has shania twain... what more can you ask for.  The "why am i here?" movie of the year.
#6  Pulp Fiction - come on, it's Pulp Fiction...
#7  Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back - there's something about being vain enough to star in your own slacker movie and have all your friends in it that makes you feel good that somewhere, someone is living the hollywood dream.
#8  Elektra - just cuz this was another movie that, despite being quite lame, will always remind me of little moments spent that summer wondering why hollywood exists in the first place.
#9  Pestilence Part 2 - The Spaghetti Incident - the greatest little movie not yet finished.
#10 The Cable Guy - No matter what people say, to me this is still Jim Carrey's best performance, and the funniest movie Ben Stiller ever directed.
 
Jay's best bands off the top of his head
 
#1 Cake  (coulda seen, shoulda seen, didn't see)
#2 Radiohead  (seen)
#3 Frank Zappa (no longer seen)
#4 Bif Naked  (seen and bumped into in person)
#5 Our Lady Peace (not seen)
#6 Hank Williams (the 1st one)  (quite dead)
#7 The Offspring (never seen)
#8 Lost Vega  (lived with the bass player)
#9 Slade  (who the Fuck was Alice???)
#10 George Thorogood (seen)
 
Jay's top 10 favourite other stuff
 
#1 putting xmas lights up, turning them on and thinking "damn, that looks pretty good."
#2 watching The Office, a deadpan, funny tv show on NBC starring Steve Carrell but i download off the internet.
#3 knowing that somewhere out there a lot of my friends have become fathers for the first (or third) time.
#4 watching the Grey Cup's first overtime game in 50 years, live.
#5 accepting the fact that dreams change, lives go on and it is possible to lose 20 pds in 6 months if you stop eating potato chips.
#6 having ALL my stuff in one place finally.
#7 finishing off a manuscript that i hope to get around to submitting some places in the new year.
#8 those raspberry smoothies that Tim Horton's is serving up.
#9 knowing/believing that everyone around me is doing fine, keeping healthy and living life.
#10  knowing that for another year, i won't have to figure out what to write in a xmas letter and being able to use "lieu" in the correct context finally.
 
I apologize if there is some gaping holes in there that i didn't answer.  Feel free to email me with specific questions, otherwise, have a great xmas.

Saturday 18 October 2014

I'm sorry but it's the Guy On A Buffalo in Four Part Harmony

Maybe cuz it's late or that i just really appreciate that people take the time to do crazy, stupid stuff like this; from making the original Buffalo Rider movie to someone watching it and putting it to music.

So it was originally posted in 2011. I'm a bit behind the times - thanks Obama.
But maybe you haven't seen it so here you go ... you're welcome.

PART 1
Where you meet the Guy on a Buffalo and how he deals with pesky forest critters...



 PART 2 

Where you wonder if it can get better - and the answer is yes, yes it does...

   

 PART 3

Where you think this song is getting pretty pretty repetitive but you need to, you know...


   

 PART 4
Where you think, what the hell am I watching and why haven't I done something like this? 

 

Friday 10 October 2014

The Canadian ISIS Threat - courtesy of Sun News.


So I have a troll friend that is first off a pretty decent guy despite being on the right wing of the world political spectrum. He's from Prince Edward Island (formerly GreenGablesland until 1982). I will call him Mr. Pink. He's a good guy, respected husband and pilot (don't hold that against him) and like I said, he's a Maritimer and it's hard to find a more patriotic bunch. When people I meet out west say they are patriotic I nod but think 'yeah, but you aren't Maritime patriotic - that's a completely different level.'

Because you are a bad tipper. 
While Mr. Pink doesn't know Anne personally he knows and supports his fear-mongering media. He subscribes to Canada's version of the Fox Network- called 'Sun News' and it's goal from quick skimming of its main headlines is to continually push the mandate of the reigning the Conservative party while making Justin Trudeau, the Liberal leader look to be a pot-smoking school boy with no understanding of how to play with the big boys. It also like to boast an irrational fear against Canadian Muslims yet has no hockey-dedicated department in its sports section.It doesn't even have a hockey pool. And yet it calls itself Canadian. 

Mr, Pink likes to occasionally link posts like this on Facebook, which has made me block all sun news articles. So he now links me to these posts, giving me little choice but to read it and ask him if he has any clue how he is letting media manipulate or re-enforce what he thinks. I think he enjoys pissing me off like this. 
I talked a few blog posts ago that everyone should have opinions but that we should also be free to admit (and embrace) that our opinions evolve. Sometimes we are wrong; Columbus wasn't a hero, AIDS can't be caught from toilet seats, an isolated Ebola victim shouldn't be called an 'outbreak of Ebola' and for media to do that is negligent and sensationalist which of course, is what sells advertising on news programs and websites. 

Sunday 5 October 2014

Hey forget ISIS, the NHL is nearly set to 'Distraction'


So it's near puck drop - all you hockey nuts have signed up for a minimum of 5 different hockey pools. Some are friends/family pools, others are clever marketing ploys that gives the host company consent to send you emails in a roundabout attempt to avoid Canadian anti-spamming legislation.

Anyone who is anyone (who is getting paid to provide content in sports-themed web pages) has already supplied their season previews. Yet Ogie hasn't. Why?

Because I'm not getting paid, I have kids and I've been hitting dynasty status on EA/NHL2014 with my Chicago Blackhawks. It takes up more time than you realize.

So here's my quick rankings of this year's edition of the NHL just so i can look back nine months from now and see if i should become a professional gambler.

Quick off-season note - while I am a fan of the 'fining coach's for players diving rule, one big change which takes away from the game is the tripping from behind even if you have touched the puck first.
We (especially if you played defense) all loved to see a defenceman lunge at someone on a near breakaway, poking away the puck with his stick before the player falls to the ice and possibly plows into the goalie. That's now a penalty. That sucks. But otherwise, I've paid little attention to off-season changes because it keeps chipping away at the Game Canada Loves.



Let's start with my limited knowledge of off-season antics and predict who goes where.

30 Carolina Hurricanes - Sounds like a soccer team, has 2 Staal brothers that underperformed last year. Apparently Jordan's leg also underperformed in the pre-season. Cam Ward has been riding his one great year of goaliedom for the last 8 years now.

29 Buffalo Sabres - they will move up from last to not-last this year, thanks to the strong showing of Carolina.

28 Calgary Flames - look at the west, I mean look at it! The only break for the Flames will be when an Eastern Conference opponent comes into town at which time they will be playing mostly only good teams.

27 New Jersey - when your leading scorer is geriatric Jaromir Jagr and your leading goalie just won't retire peacefully, something has to give and it's going to be New Jersey's win column.

26  Florida Panthers - Luongo in net, Dave Bolland up front. Jonathon Huberdeau begging to go on IR - this is a team that I think will surprise many by not actually doing much this year.

25  Edmonton Oilers - in keeping with tradition, the Oilers have it in spades. The last time they were a serious contender was when it was a choice between Taylor Hall and Tyler Seguin. Tyler Seguin still sends Kevin Lowe Xmas cards thanking him for the choice.

24  Philadelphia Flyers - I hope I'm wrong but this team is a Yo-Yo of emotions and place in the standings and in the tough (cough) Eastern conference, Philly relies too much on Chris Pronger's relevance and their middle of the pack goaltending. They are only one IR away from not making the playoffs and this year is probably it.

23  Toronto Maple Leafs - Look, I really, really, really want the Leafs to get in the playoffs just so TSN will stop talking about that next year. And maybe they will have another epic meltdown like they did with Boston (too soon?).

21  Winnipeg Jets - they will continue to surprise by being the team that everyone forgets how hard they fought for to come back to Manitoba. Sadly, they are still in the Western Conference.

20  Ottawa Senators - When your team is known for your coach's moustache and every news outlets pines for his doppelganger to appear behind the bench again you could be in trouble. Thankfully, the expectations are so low on this team that they could laugh their way to a playoff spot.

The Middle of the Packers or who knows.

19  Arizona Coyotes - trying to get rid of the stigma of being called Phoenix although they played in Scarsdale, the marketing team comes up with a clever ploy to introduce hockey into Arizona state by rebranding them the Arizona Coyotes.

18  Nashville Predators - What's the worst place they could come in given they are in the same division as Winnipeg - second to last.

(formerly 22)  New York Islanders - Remember last year when there was all that talk about the Islanders finally being relevant again? Then Tavares was injured in the Olympics and the Islanders disappeared? That was fun. The next big news will be when they move into their new arena in Brooklyn and that will probably be the last you hear of them in Canada.

NEWSFLASH - Isles acquire Boychuck and Leddy, 2 Stanley cup winning Joe Lunchbucket defencemen that should carry them into the playoffs this year. Things are looking up for the Isles faithful.

17  Columbus Blue Jackets - continue to defy their existence by keeping those Quebec Nordique 3rd jerseys packed up in the attic of the arena.

16  Tampa Bay Lightning - thinking of changing their name simply to Tampa Bay Stamkos's.

15  Colorado Avalanche - the surprise team of last year won't surprise anyone this year. Patrick Roy will freak out but he's no John Tortorella and won't be suspended because everyone likes him.

14  Washington Capitals - Pretty much the same team as last year, except for their coach, their defense and Ovechkin's teeth.

13  Detroit Red Wings - will make the playoffs out of sheer habit once again.

12  Minnesota Wild - in a clever marketing ploy, the Wild have told their fans that Zach Parise and Ryan Suter are just 'getting started'. Whatever that means.

11 Pittsburgh Penguins - I hate them because I continually want to spell penguins like penquins.

10  New York Rangers - Messier is still not allowed past the player's entrance. Good for them. Rick Nash will find hockey fun again.

9  San Jose Sharks - will lower their expectations a bit this year and decide to choke in the early months for awhile before making it into the playoffs where they can once again choke as per expectations.

8  Vancouver Canucks - A return to offensive zone starts for the Sedins can only lead to more goals for the duo. Ryan Miller will reintroduce Miller-Time to a new generation.

7  Dallas Stars - so far off the radar that they will be the new Colorado Avalanche.

6 Montreal Canadiens - PK Subban is finally making the money he's always been expecting to earn and has given his two younger brothers big competition for the 'least-disappointing Subban'.

5  Boston Bruins - still led by Chara, Bergeron and Rask. Still literally the biggest legitimate threat in the East.

4-1 Chicago Blackhawks, LA Kings, Anaheim Ducks, St. Louis will all finish first in the league. It won't be easy but it will be done.


Saturday 4 October 2014

I'm Getting Old - Politics and Wordy Words

Or... [Why Am I Talking Politics? - I don't...know]



Canada's #1 entertainment export, owned by America.
First, let me say I say I believe in Evolution; not just in the Darwinian sense but in the Opinionated Matters Sense. People are born to form opinions and if we are lucky, we are given the ability to evolve those opinions into other opinions. Then those opinions evolve into other opinions. The same goes with Values, Morals, Codes of Conduct, Religion, Politics, Cheating.

At its most base level at one time we all thought it was okay to pick our nose whenever we felt like it; hopefully that time was in elementary school. Then as we grew social ostracizing made us evolve our opinion that it was best to pick one's nose discreetly. Then it evolved again into 'just around family' until we get so old we just say 'fuck it, I'll pick my nose where ever the damn hell I want to.'.

That said, I've been a Canadian Conservative supporter for over a decade - primarily for their focus on Western Provinces in their early years; Preston Manning (great name) was a solid person in those early years and I respected that. I respected the party, laughed at the Conservative Reform Alliance Party (CRAP for short) and that they were the underdog for many years trying to unhook the claws of Liberal dominance in the Canadian Parliament.

But things change, people and opinions evolve. I've been having lots of issues with the way the government has been run since the Conservatives have gained majority power; our nationality is being sold and chipped away through the guise of 'foreign investment'. Our major natural resources are being plundered by other nations with minimal investment in Canada as a country. Privacy issues, the attempt of rebranding Canada as a military power on the national stage and of course, the direction we are taking in persecuting non-Christian based religions both inside our borders and overseas is well...making my opinions evolve into what I want my Canada to be come next election.

This is a piece of propaganda posted by a Conservative Wannabe MP. It reads indicatively of why my opinion is evolving from pro-con to pro-next party please. It's a small speech but to me, representative of a government that is no longer acting in the best interests of Canadians. There is no pledge to national ownership and patriotism but a hastily assembled dubious claims made up by a speechwriter who seems to have a generic template on his Microsoft Office software for these occasions. 


Right/wrong? Feel free to add your comments.

Friday 26 September 2014

Winners of the 2014 NHL Draft now that nobody cares...

Winners:

#1 The Philadelphia Flyer fans.

It's amazing to me that thousands of Philadelphia fans showed up at the Spectrum (is it still called that?) to watch a bunch of grown men basically play the real version of a fantasy hockey draft. But then I heard what they did during roll call and I thought 'That's fuckin' Awesome.' Thank you, Philly fans for what I hope is going to be a yearly tradition because if there is anything that yells out SUCKS more than 24 hours of dedicated TSN coverage, its the NHL entry draft.


#2 Mickael Grabvoski 


I admit i have a soft spot for the guy - he was a steady contributor in my own dynasty fantasy pool up until he was moved to a defensive role thanks to Randy Caryle (SUCKS). Getting out of Toronto was great, the 1st game hat trick with Washington led to some hopeful thoughts of years past production but he wasn't able to put up Ovie-like numbers (35 points in 58 games) as the 3rd, sometimes 2nd line center.

Yet he did well enough to earn a $2 million dollar raise in the eyes of the New York Islanders who see the potential in the fighting Finn. Or Russian. Anyways, Behind Tavares and Nilson and on a team that threatened to make Islander jokes a thing of the past, he should make a decent fit in a team that desperately needs to remember they used to be a Dynasty. Speaking of other teams that really under-performed last season...

Thursday 25 September 2014

A good article explaining Hockey to The English.


In an effort to move that previous post down a notch as its been visually hampering Ogie's blog layout, here's a picture I find amusing and a link to a blog post explaining hockey to English soccer/football fans.


Monday 15 September 2014

On the Difference Between Being Selfless and Selfish

Just a short rant that's been bugging me over the weekend.


This is the line that has been drawn in the BC Teacher's Dispute (it's gone way past just being a 'strike' in my opinion).

Its that line between being selfish and selfless.

Teachers, by their definition are selfless - they, along with the thousands of others in health care, social services and non-profit volunteer agencies are selfless. Its an admirable trait we say. I could never do it, say others.

Yet look at them, out on strike - being selfish. They should be ashamed of themselves, holding the future of our children hostage.

You know who says that? Selfish people.

Don't get me wrong. We need selfish people - they are the ones that see the Big Picture in a different way. They see the necessity of pain and sacrifice (usually for others, not themselves). They are the ones that think the other person is the asshole and stopping the evolution of progress. Selfish people are the ones that cause change immediately, they shout and scream and break things, such as contracts, laws, weaker people. Selfish people are the ones that expect to be paid first and wouldn't have it any other way. They might contribute to charity; if you don't know, don't worry- they will tell you. They are the politicians, the financial wizards, the ones that are in mid-management positions and won't risk a thing for the betterment of all because they have everything to lose, which in reality is nothing truly tangible; it's an intangible. It's their sense of self.

If those selfish people were to suddenly become selfless, they would lose their sense of identity, the anchor of their entire value system.

It's a rare person who can balance the selfish side of the ego with the selfless side; Jim Iker has that in spades. Fassbender and Clark don't. They are selfish-heavy. While they may believe that they are doing what's best for BC, the enormity of the situation and the facts against them, the other options they have, the lack of selflessness in their decisions showcase not only the crutch of this dispute but also the values system that we are leaning towards; a values system leaning on individuality, not society.

 So while Clark and Fassbender and their sheeple tell you that the teachers are being selfish; be mad. They represent those members of society that lead by their selflessness. Your nurse is underpaid and overworked in comparison to your doctor. Your welfare worker is underpaid and overworked compared to the middle manager formulating budgets and cutting services. Your teacher is underpaid and overworked in comparison to your financial adviser.

It is time for the selfless to start being selfish. Being selfless is now no longer an honorable trait to have, only a trait for the selfish to exploit.

And once the selfish see that you no longer care what they think; that you too are willing to be selfish for the Big Picture, then things will change. Just don't look in the mass media for your messiah - they can only be found in the mirror.

Saturday 30 August 2014

Crash on the Coquihalla or

HOLY SHITBALLS



This is going to be part news report, part personal reflections of the bus accident on the Coquihalla (coke) highway in BC, Canada yesterday which by the end of the day had media reporting these essentials;


  • There was 19 ambulances and 6 medical choppers dispatched.

  • It happened about 30 kms south of Merritt, BC

  • There was a total of 43 persons injured, with 7 in critical condition at various hospitals. Nobody died.

  • All the closest hospitals, Kelowna, Merritt and Kamloops were issued Code Orange - basically meaning prepare for a large influx of patients. Call everyone in and get ready.

  • The bus went into the meridian, overcompensated coming back out and slid on its side across the freeway, flipping upright on the other side. A tractor trailer's dashboard cam recorded the whole thing.

  • The tour bus was chartered by (seriously, who gives a shit) and the driver was assigned by the charter company.
And fluff, fluff, fluff - let's get the official statements.

And this is what pisses me off about mass media and why I'm writing this. That's not the real story. The real story is what happened in that 10-15 minutes before the first ambulance showed up. Over 40 strangers stopped to help the victims of that bus crash. Disclaimer, I am one of them, having reached the scene before the dust had literally even settled. I was one of the many to call 911 and tell them to 'mobilize everyone, mass casualties'.  I hung up on them when the operator started asking me my personal information as I was crossing the meridian. Seriously, there were more important matters at hand. People were hurt.