Sunday 26 October 2014

On Cross-Promoting and Self-Publication

So, I wrote a book. Many times. Over and over and over. I finally stopped and said 'I'm so tired of re-writing this.' It was called many things but I finally settled on this title;




Then I self-published on Amazon's CreateSpace (for traditionalists that still own bookcases and like hard copy books) and Smashwords (which allows for multiple format downloads instead of just Kindle).

That was about 4 months ago and it's slowly starting to get some good feedback.

Now for those that have never done research into self-publishing the general mantra is 'it is what you make it'. Not only are you self-publishing but you are also self-editing and self-promoting with a little help from your friends and family, of course.

So here Ogie is to lose his anonymity... I wrote Enter a Fistful of Marijuana and my name is now self-evident.

It's a social commentary comedy (the book, not my name). You might like it, you might not (again, the book). The Amazon version comes with footnotes - I wasn't able or patient enough to try and format the Smashwords version to accommodate them so for the added bang, you should go Amazon. However, right now I am offering the first 100 downloads by donation on Smashwords.

Here's some great reviews I have received without paying anyone to say them.

"This is hilarious. Smart, satirical and an easy, breezy read."

"It's a post modern trip through the war on drugs and all of the politics surrounding it. The author manages to show a great sense of humor, while examining some of the larger issues confronting our materialist society. The book manages to be social commentary without being boring social commentary-- something that more literary work should aspire to."

"There's a lot going for this book: loony characters, more marijuana than you knew existed, a Canadian wilderness setting and the self deprecating humor of my friends to the north, and some fun musings about what it would take to make a better world.

Jack Steele is ostensibly the lead in this farcical situation, a xenophobic and somewhat murderous secret agent whose assignment with the IRS involves a lot of snappy banter and people getting punched in the nuts. But there's a lot of others that you come to like: an IRS bureaucrat seeking to distinguish himself in the most hilarious way possible, a trio of stoners who get themselves in way over their heads, a Mormon who uses his high for inspiration, and an unlikely femme fatale. The POV's move around enough that you never beg for another character, though for me, Jack was the most fun to read.

There's some fun touches in here that will make you laugh out loud, and it moves at a pretty fast pace. This was the first time I saw footnotes used to develop asides for the story, and I clicked on every one of them. There are some pop culture references, but plenty of original humor. It has some of the rough edges that you get when reading self published fiction, but nothing that broke the book.

Overall, a great read for anyone seeking something fun, sometimes deranged, and lighthearted!"

So, go to here or here and give it a spin. Post reviews there or there or even here, where I will attempt to keep things more literary-minded. 

I can take it. 

We now return to my regular programming.




Saturday 25 October 2014

Retro 2005

Found this old email from 2005. Time to go all nostalgic on myself. This was before ex-wife, kids, losing jobs, court, moving, buying, more kids. Good times.

in lieu of a christmas letter, this is going to be it. 
 
Jay's favourite moments of 2005.

#1 picking up those business cards that said "Jay Royston - Pub Manager" on them.
#2  throwing away those business cards 2 months later.
#3  seeing the colours on the tree on "my" new front yard change colour in the autumn.
#4 Knowing that for a few short minutes, I was over $10 000 richer, until my bank's financial manager informed me that my loan was approved and was now $10 000+ deeper in debt.
#5 realizing that my parents believed enough in me that i could take care of 2 kids, 2 dogs and a renovated character house with a large enough paycheque.
#6 taking Dave's daughters (brooklyn, savannah, and maddy) skating before i left chilliwack.
#7 being cleared medically for another year.
#8 finally getting in touch with my inner redneck with a few really good, muddy days of mudboggin in my old jeep cherokee.
#9 having my 2 dogs, 1 borrowed (kubie), 1 donated (chompsky) spend a quiet afternoon walking on the frozen Fraser river.
#10 Golfing on a large clear fairway in kelowna with no pine trees in sight, courtesy of Ed.
 
Jay's current top 1o movies in no order.
 
#1  Muppets Wizard of Oz - just cuz I was fortunate enough to achieve a childhood goal and see these guys at work - and they paid me to watch them do it.
#2  Zoolander - I didn't say that they were movies released in 2005. It's just that most of the movies i saw this year weren't all that memorable.  I still want to see a live break-dance fight.
#3  Kentucky Fried Movie - the most influential movie EVER.  At one time, someone took a chance on making this type of movie and the only other notable one like it that i know of was Amazon Women on the Moon (same director, coincidentally).  It's still the reason why i wanted to get into film.
#4 Hedwig and the Angry Inch - okay, if you're not into the idea of watching a musical about an east german kid who gets most of his penis cut off so that he can come to america with his army boyfriend who subsequently dumps him in kansas, where he goes on to become a transgender rockstar on the restaurant circuit, you probably won't be interested in this. 
#5  I Heart Huckabee's  - clever, philosophical, has shania twain... what more can you ask for.  The "why am i here?" movie of the year.
#6  Pulp Fiction - come on, it's Pulp Fiction...
#7  Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back - there's something about being vain enough to star in your own slacker movie and have all your friends in it that makes you feel good that somewhere, someone is living the hollywood dream.
#8  Elektra - just cuz this was another movie that, despite being quite lame, will always remind me of little moments spent that summer wondering why hollywood exists in the first place.
#9  Pestilence Part 2 - The Spaghetti Incident - the greatest little movie not yet finished.
#10 The Cable Guy - No matter what people say, to me this is still Jim Carrey's best performance, and the funniest movie Ben Stiller ever directed.
 
Jay's best bands off the top of his head
 
#1 Cake  (coulda seen, shoulda seen, didn't see)
#2 Radiohead  (seen)
#3 Frank Zappa (no longer seen)
#4 Bif Naked  (seen and bumped into in person)
#5 Our Lady Peace (not seen)
#6 Hank Williams (the 1st one)  (quite dead)
#7 The Offspring (never seen)
#8 Lost Vega  (lived with the bass player)
#9 Slade  (who the Fuck was Alice???)
#10 George Thorogood (seen)
 
Jay's top 10 favourite other stuff
 
#1 putting xmas lights up, turning them on and thinking "damn, that looks pretty good."
#2 watching The Office, a deadpan, funny tv show on NBC starring Steve Carrell but i download off the internet.
#3 knowing that somewhere out there a lot of my friends have become fathers for the first (or third) time.
#4 watching the Grey Cup's first overtime game in 50 years, live.
#5 accepting the fact that dreams change, lives go on and it is possible to lose 20 pds in 6 months if you stop eating potato chips.
#6 having ALL my stuff in one place finally.
#7 finishing off a manuscript that i hope to get around to submitting some places in the new year.
#8 those raspberry smoothies that Tim Horton's is serving up.
#9 knowing/believing that everyone around me is doing fine, keeping healthy and living life.
#10  knowing that for another year, i won't have to figure out what to write in a xmas letter and being able to use "lieu" in the correct context finally.
 
I apologize if there is some gaping holes in there that i didn't answer.  Feel free to email me with specific questions, otherwise, have a great xmas.

Saturday 18 October 2014

I'm sorry but it's the Guy On A Buffalo in Four Part Harmony

Maybe cuz it's late or that i just really appreciate that people take the time to do crazy, stupid stuff like this; from making the original Buffalo Rider movie to someone watching it and putting it to music.

So it was originally posted in 2011. I'm a bit behind the times - thanks Obama.
But maybe you haven't seen it so here you go ... you're welcome.

PART 1
Where you meet the Guy on a Buffalo and how he deals with pesky forest critters...



 PART 2 

Where you wonder if it can get better - and the answer is yes, yes it does...

   

 PART 3

Where you think this song is getting pretty pretty repetitive but you need to, you know...


   

 PART 4
Where you think, what the hell am I watching and why haven't I done something like this? 

 

Friday 10 October 2014

The Canadian ISIS Threat - courtesy of Sun News.


So I have a troll friend that is first off a pretty decent guy despite being on the right wing of the world political spectrum. He's from Prince Edward Island (formerly GreenGablesland until 1982). I will call him Mr. Pink. He's a good guy, respected husband and pilot (don't hold that against him) and like I said, he's a Maritimer and it's hard to find a more patriotic bunch. When people I meet out west say they are patriotic I nod but think 'yeah, but you aren't Maritime patriotic - that's a completely different level.'

Because you are a bad tipper. 
While Mr. Pink doesn't know Anne personally he knows and supports his fear-mongering media. He subscribes to Canada's version of the Fox Network- called 'Sun News' and it's goal from quick skimming of its main headlines is to continually push the mandate of the reigning the Conservative party while making Justin Trudeau, the Liberal leader look to be a pot-smoking school boy with no understanding of how to play with the big boys. It also like to boast an irrational fear against Canadian Muslims yet has no hockey-dedicated department in its sports section.It doesn't even have a hockey pool. And yet it calls itself Canadian. 

Mr, Pink likes to occasionally link posts like this on Facebook, which has made me block all sun news articles. So he now links me to these posts, giving me little choice but to read it and ask him if he has any clue how he is letting media manipulate or re-enforce what he thinks. I think he enjoys pissing me off like this. 
I talked a few blog posts ago that everyone should have opinions but that we should also be free to admit (and embrace) that our opinions evolve. Sometimes we are wrong; Columbus wasn't a hero, AIDS can't be caught from toilet seats, an isolated Ebola victim shouldn't be called an 'outbreak of Ebola' and for media to do that is negligent and sensationalist which of course, is what sells advertising on news programs and websites. 

Sunday 5 October 2014

Hey forget ISIS, the NHL is nearly set to 'Distraction'


So it's near puck drop - all you hockey nuts have signed up for a minimum of 5 different hockey pools. Some are friends/family pools, others are clever marketing ploys that gives the host company consent to send you emails in a roundabout attempt to avoid Canadian anti-spamming legislation.

Anyone who is anyone (who is getting paid to provide content in sports-themed web pages) has already supplied their season previews. Yet Ogie hasn't. Why?

Because I'm not getting paid, I have kids and I've been hitting dynasty status on EA/NHL2014 with my Chicago Blackhawks. It takes up more time than you realize.

So here's my quick rankings of this year's edition of the NHL just so i can look back nine months from now and see if i should become a professional gambler.

Quick off-season note - while I am a fan of the 'fining coach's for players diving rule, one big change which takes away from the game is the tripping from behind even if you have touched the puck first.
We (especially if you played defense) all loved to see a defenceman lunge at someone on a near breakaway, poking away the puck with his stick before the player falls to the ice and possibly plows into the goalie. That's now a penalty. That sucks. But otherwise, I've paid little attention to off-season changes because it keeps chipping away at the Game Canada Loves.



Let's start with my limited knowledge of off-season antics and predict who goes where.

30 Carolina Hurricanes - Sounds like a soccer team, has 2 Staal brothers that underperformed last year. Apparently Jordan's leg also underperformed in the pre-season. Cam Ward has been riding his one great year of goaliedom for the last 8 years now.

29 Buffalo Sabres - they will move up from last to not-last this year, thanks to the strong showing of Carolina.

28 Calgary Flames - look at the west, I mean look at it! The only break for the Flames will be when an Eastern Conference opponent comes into town at which time they will be playing mostly only good teams.

27 New Jersey - when your leading scorer is geriatric Jaromir Jagr and your leading goalie just won't retire peacefully, something has to give and it's going to be New Jersey's win column.

26  Florida Panthers - Luongo in net, Dave Bolland up front. Jonathon Huberdeau begging to go on IR - this is a team that I think will surprise many by not actually doing much this year.

25  Edmonton Oilers - in keeping with tradition, the Oilers have it in spades. The last time they were a serious contender was when it was a choice between Taylor Hall and Tyler Seguin. Tyler Seguin still sends Kevin Lowe Xmas cards thanking him for the choice.

24  Philadelphia Flyers - I hope I'm wrong but this team is a Yo-Yo of emotions and place in the standings and in the tough (cough) Eastern conference, Philly relies too much on Chris Pronger's relevance and their middle of the pack goaltending. They are only one IR away from not making the playoffs and this year is probably it.

23  Toronto Maple Leafs - Look, I really, really, really want the Leafs to get in the playoffs just so TSN will stop talking about that next year. And maybe they will have another epic meltdown like they did with Boston (too soon?).

21  Winnipeg Jets - they will continue to surprise by being the team that everyone forgets how hard they fought for to come back to Manitoba. Sadly, they are still in the Western Conference.

20  Ottawa Senators - When your team is known for your coach's moustache and every news outlets pines for his doppelganger to appear behind the bench again you could be in trouble. Thankfully, the expectations are so low on this team that they could laugh their way to a playoff spot.

The Middle of the Packers or who knows.

19  Arizona Coyotes - trying to get rid of the stigma of being called Phoenix although they played in Scarsdale, the marketing team comes up with a clever ploy to introduce hockey into Arizona state by rebranding them the Arizona Coyotes.

18  Nashville Predators - What's the worst place they could come in given they are in the same division as Winnipeg - second to last.

(formerly 22)  New York Islanders - Remember last year when there was all that talk about the Islanders finally being relevant again? Then Tavares was injured in the Olympics and the Islanders disappeared? That was fun. The next big news will be when they move into their new arena in Brooklyn and that will probably be the last you hear of them in Canada.

NEWSFLASH - Isles acquire Boychuck and Leddy, 2 Stanley cup winning Joe Lunchbucket defencemen that should carry them into the playoffs this year. Things are looking up for the Isles faithful.

17  Columbus Blue Jackets - continue to defy their existence by keeping those Quebec Nordique 3rd jerseys packed up in the attic of the arena.

16  Tampa Bay Lightning - thinking of changing their name simply to Tampa Bay Stamkos's.

15  Colorado Avalanche - the surprise team of last year won't surprise anyone this year. Patrick Roy will freak out but he's no John Tortorella and won't be suspended because everyone likes him.

14  Washington Capitals - Pretty much the same team as last year, except for their coach, their defense and Ovechkin's teeth.

13  Detroit Red Wings - will make the playoffs out of sheer habit once again.

12  Minnesota Wild - in a clever marketing ploy, the Wild have told their fans that Zach Parise and Ryan Suter are just 'getting started'. Whatever that means.

11 Pittsburgh Penguins - I hate them because I continually want to spell penguins like penquins.

10  New York Rangers - Messier is still not allowed past the player's entrance. Good for them. Rick Nash will find hockey fun again.

9  San Jose Sharks - will lower their expectations a bit this year and decide to choke in the early months for awhile before making it into the playoffs where they can once again choke as per expectations.

8  Vancouver Canucks - A return to offensive zone starts for the Sedins can only lead to more goals for the duo. Ryan Miller will reintroduce Miller-Time to a new generation.

7  Dallas Stars - so far off the radar that they will be the new Colorado Avalanche.

6 Montreal Canadiens - PK Subban is finally making the money he's always been expecting to earn and has given his two younger brothers big competition for the 'least-disappointing Subban'.

5  Boston Bruins - still led by Chara, Bergeron and Rask. Still literally the biggest legitimate threat in the East.

4-1 Chicago Blackhawks, LA Kings, Anaheim Ducks, St. Louis will all finish first in the league. It won't be easy but it will be done.


Saturday 4 October 2014

I'm Getting Old - Politics and Wordy Words

Or... [Why Am I Talking Politics? - I don't...know]



Canada's #1 entertainment export, owned by America.
First, let me say I say I believe in Evolution; not just in the Darwinian sense but in the Opinionated Matters Sense. People are born to form opinions and if we are lucky, we are given the ability to evolve those opinions into other opinions. Then those opinions evolve into other opinions. The same goes with Values, Morals, Codes of Conduct, Religion, Politics, Cheating.

At its most base level at one time we all thought it was okay to pick our nose whenever we felt like it; hopefully that time was in elementary school. Then as we grew social ostracizing made us evolve our opinion that it was best to pick one's nose discreetly. Then it evolved again into 'just around family' until we get so old we just say 'fuck it, I'll pick my nose where ever the damn hell I want to.'.

That said, I've been a Canadian Conservative supporter for over a decade - primarily for their focus on Western Provinces in their early years; Preston Manning (great name) was a solid person in those early years and I respected that. I respected the party, laughed at the Conservative Reform Alliance Party (CRAP for short) and that they were the underdog for many years trying to unhook the claws of Liberal dominance in the Canadian Parliament.

But things change, people and opinions evolve. I've been having lots of issues with the way the government has been run since the Conservatives have gained majority power; our nationality is being sold and chipped away through the guise of 'foreign investment'. Our major natural resources are being plundered by other nations with minimal investment in Canada as a country. Privacy issues, the attempt of rebranding Canada as a military power on the national stage and of course, the direction we are taking in persecuting non-Christian based religions both inside our borders and overseas is well...making my opinions evolve into what I want my Canada to be come next election.

This is a piece of propaganda posted by a Conservative Wannabe MP. It reads indicatively of why my opinion is evolving from pro-con to pro-next party please. It's a small speech but to me, representative of a government that is no longer acting in the best interests of Canadians. There is no pledge to national ownership and patriotism but a hastily assembled dubious claims made up by a speechwriter who seems to have a generic template on his Microsoft Office software for these occasions. 


Right/wrong? Feel free to add your comments.