Friday 28 November 2014

9 iconic movie masks




Masks. Who doesn't love them? Besides the cops, I mean. And bank tellers. And security cameras. Ok, well basically, anybody involved in law enforcement or against the redistribution of wealth. But without masks, who are we? Just a bunch of drunken college and university students out for a good time and in need of some cool refreshments via water cannons or machete-wielding harbingers of doom that will tear out your liver in an attempt to quell an insatiable blood-lust?

Masks are iconic symbols of a world that demands accountability. They provide a sense of security and shelter for those that feel their needs might just be greater than the needs of the common good, despite what the common good believe. Plus, if you are seriously grotesque it gives people something to remember you by. Would you rather be remembered as ‘that guy with no face’ or ‘that guy with the mask’?  No question about it. Masks are cool, they define who we are or who we want to be and people can make a killing (literally and figuratively) wearing or selling them.

Here are 9 masks made famous through cinema.

Note: This list does not take into account the actual movie Mask, which was about a disfigured boy who had Cher as a mother, nor is it contain iconic super hero masks such as Batman’s and Spider-Man’s, due to their original popularity coming through comics and children playing dress-up.


Tuesday 25 November 2014

On this The Ferguson Trial Decision


so, i guess we are not supposed to 'shoot to kill'?

fuckin' busy tonight boys...


Because 'normal (bullshit sensationalism)' media will focus on the reactive actions that happened when a US Grand Jury made up of 9 whites and 3 blacks decided not to lay ANY charges against Officer Darren Wilson for the shooting death of 18 year old Michael Brown and the truthiness of the Internet I will help spread the word on the Southern US's messed up justice system.

While I don't condone the riots, this has racial politics all over it. I think anyone with an elementary understanding of race/the South and politics understands there was going to be either a large riot (if no charges) or a small one (like a celebratory, smaller riot). The decision to not release a verdict until night was also a calculated move which isn't looking so good now, is it Mr. District Attorney/Governor Of Miss and others all having an opinion in the matter?


I found this site which gives an account of the officer's version of events. It's very opinionated so I've edited out the journalists' comments and even avoided putting in my own. We don't have the other side's version of the story because... well, he's dead.

At about noon on August 9th, Wilson hears on the radio that there's a theft in progress at the Ferguson Market. The suspect is a black male in a black shirt.
Moments later, Wilson sees two young black men walking down the yellow stripe in the center of the street. He pulls over. "Hey guys, why don't you walk on the sidewalk?" They refuse. "We're almost at our destination," one of them replies. Wilson tries again. "But what's wrong with the sidewalk?" he asks.
opinion omitted
Brown's response to "what's wrong with the sidewalk?", as recorded by Wilson, is "fuck what you have to say." Remember, Wilson is a uniformed police officer, in a police car, and Brown is an 18-year-old kid who just committed a robbery. And when asked to use the sidewalk, Wilson says Brown replied, "Fuck what you have to say."
Wilson backs his car up and begins to open the door. "Hey, come here," he said to the kid who just cursed at him. He says Brown replied, "What the fuck you gonna do?" And then Brown, in Wilson's telling, slams the car door closed. Wilson tries to open the door again, tells Brown to get back, and then Brown leans into the vehicle and begins punching him.
opinion omitted
"I was doing the, just scrambling, trying to get his arms out of my face and him from grabbing me and everything else. He turned to his...if he's at my vehicle, he turned to his left and handed the first subject. He said, "here, take these." He was holding a pack of — several packs of cigarillos which was just, what was stolen from the Market Store was several packs of cigarillos. He said, "here, hold these" and when he did that I grabbed his right arm trying just to control something at that point. Um, as I was holding it, and he came around, he came around with his arm extended, fist made, and went like that straight at my face with his...a full swing from his left hand."
opinion omitted
Wilson next recounts his thought process as he reached for a weapon. He considered using his mace, but at such close range, the mace might get in his eyes, too. He doesn't carry a taser with a fireable cartridge, but even if he did, "it probably wouldn't have hit [Brown] anywhere". Wilson couldn't reach his baton or his flashlight. So he went for his gun.
Brown sees him go for the gun. And he replies: "You're too much of a fucking pussy to shoot me."
opinion omitted
And then Brown grabs Wilson's gun, twists it, and points it at Wilson's "pelvic area". Wilson regains control of the firearm and gets off a shot, shattering the glass. Brown backs up a half step and, realizing he's unharmed, dives back into the car to attack Wilson. Wilson fires again, and then Brown takes off running. 
Wilson exits the car to give chase. He yells at Brown to get down on the ground.
"When he stopped, he turned, looked at me, made like a grunting noise and had the most intense, aggressive face I've ever seen on a person. When he looked at me, he then did like the hop...you know, like people do to start running. And, he started running at me. During his first stride, he took his right hand put it under his shirt into his waistband. And I ordered him to stop and get on the ground again. He didn't. I fired multiple shots. After I fired the multiple shots, I paused a second, yelled at him to get on the ground again, he was still in the same state. Still charging, hand still in his waistband, hadn't slowed down."
opinion omitted
Either way, at that point, Wilson shoots again, and kills Brown.
And that is his version of events. Here are pictures of the officer and his injuries

But the emotional trauma...

Here's a picture of Michael Brown and his injuries and where he lay for four hours before being put in a black SUV, not an ambulance. 
he's just sleeping and spilled his cream soda slurpee

Friday 21 November 2014

On this Sexual Assault bullshit


Regarding Jian Ghomeshi and Bill Cosby's recent troubles for their dating history... sexual assault is very serious. I get that, when i hear sexual assault i think rape. I honestly don't think 'sexy, open-handed slap' as per Sean Connery but this media crucifixion both in Canada and the US is going overboard. It's not even 'she said/he said', it's all 'she said'. There's no physical evidence, only one-sided memories. Men can't give their sides of the story and that sucks. I haven't read that Jian or Bill forcefully penetrated anyone. I've heard they've given money or favours in return for sexual wants (as per the women) but i haven't heard any of these women say why they continued to see their alleged assaulter after the initial physical violence.

I know it's unpopular but it's also unjust. I don't know what the statute of limitations is on these matters but if you've waited a decade to report it, it either was A) so emotionally traumatizing you couldn't speak about it or B) not that big of a deal, in your overall mental state.


If you have a relationship with the alleged for years, took money from him for years doesn't make you a victim, it makes you a whore.

If you give the alleged a blowjob in return for a job interview, doesn't make you a victim, it makes you an opportunist who tried to short cut her way to success.

If you go out with the alleged AFTER you've been sexually assaulted, your accusations lose a lot of credibility.

If you are Janice Dickinson you are a media-hungry ex-drug addict that nobody should ever take seriously.

If you bought or read 50 Shades of Grey or can't wait to see the movie then you are part of the problem.

If you walk around with your tits hanging out, demanding to be taken seriously, you won't be.

That's all. We now return to our regular scheduled programming.

Monday 17 November 2014

From the History Files - The 2013 NHL intro for Brits

(ok, back in the day, being 2012-13 season, I wrote this and got it published somewhere online. I'm busy with the Nanowrimo thinger going on but in the meantime, enjoy this piece of history)



Looking to widen your sports knowledge to something outside of the local football league? Perhaps you are looking to butter up those Canadian tourists that wandered into your bar and will tend to tip way too much if someone mentions hockey around them. Whatever your reasons, welcome home.
Last year I started submitting some posts to WhatCulture about the NHL, voted by 3o million Canadians, 54 Swedes, and Danny Taylor of Plymouth, England as being THE #1 hockey league in the world. The NHL stands to begin it's 94th year of play (give or take) next month. And this year is no different as there is much excitement in the maple syrup-flavoured air, hockey-stank excitement. Nobody in Canada has been this excited about the NHL starting up since last season when it finally began after another epic Lock-Out, which will be discussed later.
In what went down as the greatest Stanley Cup Finals ever played since 2012, the Chicago Blackhawks stunned the Boston Bruins with 2 goals in the final 90 seconds in Game 6 to clinch hockey's greatest trophy. It was karmic retaliation of sorts, for the Bruins had earlier made the biggest comeback in history to defeat the Toronto Maple Leafs in Game 7 of a playoff series earlier which everybody outside of Toronto found hilarious. If none of that made any sense to you, welcome to...
WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW OF THE NHL AS A NON-FAN;
All you need to know is this; The NHL is crazy. There is nothing rational about it, either on the ice or off. It was the subject of the greatest sports movie ever made, and has some of the best haircuts ever. It once had two players that dominated the sport like no other athlete has ever dominated a sport yet they played at the same time. Imagine Maradona and Pele playing at the same time, and on occasion even on the same team to defeat the world's worst superpower and #2 hockey nation (no, not America, the other one).
This moment knocked the 1972 Summit Series off the #1 hockey moment
of all time - yes, it is of someone crying.
 
THE EASY STUFF;
The regular season starts in October, is 82 games long, and lasts for about six months.
Playoffs start in April and go for about three months. There is no 'one game take all' playoffs; this is all about maximizing owner revenue so the teams are forced to play four rounds of best-of-seven's, which in reality is quite brilliant. The first team to win four games over their opponent moves on to the next round and possibly gets a break while waiting for their opponents to inflict maximum pain on each other.
They play for a large trophy called the Stanley Cup, named after Lord Stanley. It is so rare, there are only 3 replicas of it in existence (the presentation one, the touring one, and the one at the Hockey Hall of Fame. The original is kept in a safe at the Hall of Fame as well and is no bigger than a large salad bowl, which was probably it's original intention).
Canadians start talking about hockey about 2 months before the regular season starts. This is called the 'pre-season' and in reality mean nothing unless you are a Toronto fan, then it defines the rest of your season, saving you all sorts of heartbreak later on.
This photo deserves to be a bit more viral.

Saturday 8 November 2014

Top 10 Stoner Movies (Part 1)



So when you read 'Stoner Movies' you may have been thinking; here we go, another easy to click-bait list of repetitive movies I've seen on other lists.
The lists I looked up when doing ... research... for this blog were the same; they all have some drug-related theme in them. Most likely a list of comedies that are easy to digest, buddy comedies such as Harold and Kumar, Jay and Silent Bob, Cheech and Chong, etc. Maybe someone will be brave enough to throw in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, just to say that they know not all 'stoner' movies have to be mainly about smoking weed and insulting one another.

Ogie doesn't play that way. I hated those stoner lists - most stoners I know of don't sit around discussing the finer intricacies of Harold and Kumar (or which was which) or want to watch actors pretending to be stoned when they are not. I enjoy them for what they are - comedies that have actors pretending to be stoners in them. If you know how movies are made and how pot actually works, it's pretty difficult to actually get shit done in a way that will make it easy for an editor to piece together a film. I wanted a list of movies to watch while baked. This is what I came up with.

Sunday 2 November 2014

12 Ways The Dark Knight Rises and the 2012 Canucks playoffs were eerily the same.

[republished due to its original immense popularity, Chris Nolan's Interstellar release and I find it really funny] 

12 Ways The Dark Knight Rises and the 2012 Canucks playoffs were eerily the same. 

I want the Batman!
For some, the summer of 2012 was to be the cause of great rejoice; The Dark Knight Rises was to cap the end of the amazing Batman trilogy, the Vancouver Canucks were going to win the Stanley Cup after losing in Game 7 to the Boston Bruins a year earlier. That experience would be enough to give them the drive to Win It All (spoiler alert; it didn't). Canucks fans also wanted Zdeno Chara to climb back up his beanstalk and leave all the other hockey players alone. None of that happened, leaving Canucks (and Boston) fans and hockey analysts alone to contemplate the pleasures in the smaller things in life, like drool and soft helmets.

(BIGGER SPOILER ALERT: The Canucks lost to the eventual Stanley Cup Champion LA Kings in the 1st round of the 2012 playoffs)


12 Similarities between The Dark Knight Rises and The 2012 Vancouver Canucks: 

1-For fans of both franchises, there were exceedingly high expectations going in from previous showings.

2-Ryan Kesler appeared in neither.

3-Batman took eight years off before returning for TDKR and the ending was left open for another possible return years from now. Vancouver decided to also take some years off and is preparing for their next Cup push sometime around the year 2020.

4-Both Batman and Mason Raymond took 5 months to recover from a broken back to limited effect.

hmmm... can you take off the bat and add the number 16?

5-Neither Batman or the Canucks showed any ability to dish out a hit.

6- Apparently both Gotham and Vancouver have professional football teams that nobody cares about.

7-Anne Hathaway’s eyebrows scored just as many points with film critics in Los Angeles as the Sedin twins.

8-Batman had a few thousand cops that did nothing to help the situation, the Canucks had these guys; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JBQ1rmIbTjw

9-Once Batman and the Canucks left the city, life went on and it was like nothing had ever happened.

10-If Darryl Sutter’s coaching style could be physically described, it would look like Bane. If Alain Vigneault’s coaching style could be physically described, it would look like Michael Caine’s quivering lips.

11-TDKR had a lot of supporting characters from previous movies that proved to have no discernible purpose for being there; the Canucks had Jim Hughson, Nick Kypreos and Gary Valk.

Uh, hello?
12-Bruce Wayne came out of self-imposed hiding to find his overall value had plummeted to barely being able to provide for himself, Vancouver had Roberto Luongo.